Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
