Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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