We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
