I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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