At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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