i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
