good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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