Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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