Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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