Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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