I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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