Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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