Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
