i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
