I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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