I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
