its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
