I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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