I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
