i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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