just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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