pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
