I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
