Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
