The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
