I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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