oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
