You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
