I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
