i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize