now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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