Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize