You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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