a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
