Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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