I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
