VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
