Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
