it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
