she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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