all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
