I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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