I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
