i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
