I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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