So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
