You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
