hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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