please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
