walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize