I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
