Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
