you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
