so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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