I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
