Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
