Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
