Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
