Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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