hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
