I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want nice things and good sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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