hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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