i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
