Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
