Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize