I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
