hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
