I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
