a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
