i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
