omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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