Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
