You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
