she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Two words: blizzard sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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