Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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