Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
