I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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