I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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