I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
