i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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