I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
