I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
