I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
