Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
