I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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