Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
