Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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