She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
