we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
