Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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