when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize