i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
