The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
