yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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