is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
