is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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