just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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