Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
