You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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