I wish my penis had an off switch
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
