I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think my fart just growled at me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
