I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize