Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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